_{Here are my top 10 tips to survive the first year of parenthood:}

_{Expect tiredness}

Sleep for you, as the parent, becomes a precious commodity once baby arrives. This is why we always say, “Sleep when your baby sleeps!” In the first few months of life, it’s common for babies to wake up at least 2 to 3 times a night to feed. By 4 to 5 months, some babies may be able to go a 5 to 6 hour stretch at night, but until then, expect to be perpetually tired!

They say the one thing all new parents have in common is feeling exhausted. All. The. Time. I know I was! So it makes sense that parents have lots of questions about how to help their babies sleep better.

Here are some of the questions I hear the most with answers from me, my fellow pediatricians, and pediatric health educators.

Is it okay to bring our baby into bed with me/us?
No. The safest place for a baby to sleep is in a safe crib (firm mattress, no bumpers, pillows, or blankets) – not in the parent’s bed.

Why is sharing your bed unsafe?
You (or your partner) may unknowingly roll over on your baby. Your bed’s soft mattress, pillows, or fluffy blankets can increase the risk of suffocation.

It’s fine to bring your baby to bed with you to nurse and/or snuggle but be sure to return them to their own safe bassinet or bedside sleeper when you feel tired.

Does my baby really need to sleep face up?
Yes, please put your baby down on their back and face up! Doing this dramatically reduces their risk of SIDS. Sleeping on the stomach can make it harder to breathe. Other safety and comfort tips:

• Avoid side sleeping. Babies placed on their sides can easily tip over onto their stomachs.
• Turn your baby’s head to one side or the other as you lay them down if this makes you feel better. There’s no evidence that babies are more likely to choke when on their backs.
• Reposition your baby throughout the night as needed, until they can roll over on their own.

Is it okay for our baby to sleep in the car seat or swing?

• Don’t let them sleep in a car seat or swing as a usual practice. This is especially important for young babies who are less able to lift their heads if they’re slouched down.
• Be sure to move them to their own safe sleep space as soon as possible if they happen to fall asleep in the car, stroller, or swing. It’s okay to leave them there for a few minutes if you’re watching them.

When should we switch from a bassinet or bedside sleeper to a crib?
When your baby starts to seem crowded in the bassinet, switch to a safe crib in your room.

When should we move our baby into their own room?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that your baby sleep in the same room with you until at least 6 months to 1 year. Some families who want to sleep train their babies coordinate training plans around the shift out of the parents’ room.

I heard we shouldn’t use blankets in the crib. Won’t our baby be cold?
You can keep them warm with zip-up sleepers or sleep sacks. Loose blankets, pillows, and bedding are hazardous.

How long can we swaddle our baby?
Try to ease your baby out of the swaddling by around 2 months. Once they can roll over, a tight swaddle can be dangerous. Leave an arm loose, so if your baby flips over, they can push up to breathe, instead of being stuck face down. Or only swaddle from chest down. Once your baby starts rolling over, it’s time to stop swaddling, for safety reasons.

Is it ok to use a pacifier?
Yes. Pacifiers satisfy your baby’s need to suck and will help them self-soothe. These also reduce the risk of SIDS. Follow these guidelines:

• Offer your baby a pacifier at nap and nighttime, but don’t force them to take it – some babies just don’t like them. Offer it again another time.
• Consider putting multiple pacifiers in the crib, so one is always within reach. Pacifiers will drop out once your baby falls asleep.
• If you’re breastfeeding, wait until it’s going well (usually after a few weeks) before you introduce a pacifier.

How do we encourage good sleep if our baby still needs nighttime feedings?
It’s normal for young babies to wake in the night to feed. About half of 2- to 3-month-old babies are ready to go without eating for a 6-hour stretch at night. Others aren’t ready until 4 or 5 months. You know your baby best.

Make nighttime feedings brief and boring – only about business so your baby knows it’s time to sleep – not play! Here’s how:

• Don’t turn on bright lights, move slowly, and be quiet with little talking.
• Avoid diaper changes unless your baby seems very wet or uncomfortable. (Some parents will double-diaper at night to prevent leaks.)
• Most babies can sleep for at least 6 hours by the time they’re 6 months old.

Our baby wants milk all night long to sleep. How can I stop this?
If your baby is 4 to 5 months or older, this is likely “comfort nursing” rather than true hunger. Some things to try:

• Move the bassinet or bedside sleeper further away from your bed.
• Encourage your partner to be “on duty” for soothing during stretches of the night.
• Feed more often during the day and evening.
• Decrease the number of times you feed in the middle of the night, and shorten each feeding, until you’re down to one late at night and in early morning.

Find more resources for parents:
Pediatric Sleep Council
American Academy of Pediatrics

Coffee is okay while breastfeeding

Good news: it’s ok to stay sane with some coffee as a new parent! While it’s best to limit it to a cup or two of caffeinated coffee per day, you aren’t stuck with decaf only.

Find out more about what’s safe while breastfeeding.

Enjoy the present

You’ll find that “the most consistent thing about a baby is their inconsistency.” Learn to take it day by day, as your baby will continue to change and develop. Try to enjoy each stage because your baby won’t be the same age tomorrow. I promise, one day you’ll truly miss this!

I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: “Treasure each moment – for the days are long, but the years are short.”

Give infants acetaminophen for fevers less than 6 months old

Some babies develop a fever after receiving their vaccines. If this happens, it’s ok to give infants acetaminophen (be sure to follow the directions on the package or contact our office for guidance), but avoid children’s ibuprofen until after 6 months of age.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

This is the time to reach out. There’s only one of you, and your baby has needs around the clock. Find trusted help to carry the load. Delegate others to get groceries, care for your baby while you rest, and handle other household tasks.

Take moments for yourself

There will be times when your baby will cry and cry; you try rocking her, holding her, and feeding her, but to no avail. Someone even deemed one of these maddening stages the Period of Purple Crying!

New parents might struggle to take a break when their baby is crying, but I want to give you permission to step back when you need to. This is important not just for you, but for your baby as well; they need you rested and supported, too.

How to Calm a Crying Baby

All babies cry some, and some cry a lot. Others have colic and cry for hours straight most evenings. No matter which kind of baby you have, the crying is hard on both of you!

How can a parent calm all that crying? Luckily, there are some things you can try.

Figure out why they’re crying. This sounds a bit obvious – but sometimes it helps to start at the beginning. Wet diaper? Hungry? Cold or hot? Bored or overstimulated? Run through the checklist then move on to other ideas.

Carry them. Babies who are held or carried more during the day may cry less at night. You can try:

• Carrying your baby in a front pack or sling. They may not be a fan of this at first, but keep practicing by putting them in the carrier for a few moments while you walk. Soon they’ll love it!
• Cuddling your baby, which helps you both feel better.
• Comforting your baby. Don’t let them cry alone for more than 5 to 10 minutes during the first 3 months. This makes both of you feel better. Don’t worry about “spoiling” your baby.

Move. Some babies really like movement and fuss when they’re not moving. Pop them in a front carrier or stroller and head out for a walk. Being outdoors is safe for them and good for both of you! Or try sitting in a rocking chair, putting them in a baby swing, or taking them for a drive.

Have a change of scenery or arms. Babies love to be outside. Take a walk or just sit outside in the shade. Sometimes a fussy baby calms when you hand them over to someone else. I have a sister-in-law who could always instantly calm my colicky baby. She was like a magical charm. This was probably because the more he cried, the more stressed and worried I’d get. He sensed her calm and could relax himself.

Change positions. Some babies find it soothing to be:

• Held upright.
• Facing toward you.
• Placed on their stomach over your knee or forearm. This can be especially effective if you gently wrap their arms around their chest and hold them face down with their arms and head supported by your hands while you gently move them up and down.

Swaddle them. Some babies feel secure when they’re wrapped up snugly. Up until 2 months old, swaddling with a thin blanket, especially at naptime and at night can help calm them. Please be sure to always have your baby sleep face up on their back – swaddled or not – to prevent the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).

Make soothing sounds. Any kind of “white noise” can be soothing. Try soft music, or the hum of a clothes dryer, dishwasher, bathroom fan, or bubbling aquarium. You may also be able to help prevent or decrease crying episodes by trying these tips.

Stay calm and try to relax. Hearing your baby cry is stressful, and it’s normal to need a break sometimes. If you start to lose control, take a minute to calm down. Never shake a baby. This can cause permanent brain damage and even death.

Keep a diary to identify when your baby cries most often. This might help you figure out possible causes or at least be prepared.

Keep a regular routine for meals, naps, and playtime. Babies are calmer when caregivers follow a predictable routine.

Make sure your baby is getting enough to eat. The problem may be hunger, not colic. Check with your pediatrician to be sure growth is on track.

Make sure your baby isn’t swallowing too much air while eating. Feed your baby slowly, holding them almost upright. Burp them periodically and prop them up for 15 minutes after feeding.

Experiment with your diet if you’re breastfeeding. For the most part, changing what you eat won’t help a colicky baby, but you may find some benefit from eliminating foods such as caffeine and dairy products.

Remember to comfort yourself, too. Hearing your baby cry is stressful. It’s common to feel scared, upset, or frustrated when you can’t comfort your baby – I know I did! Ask for help, or take turns with your partner, friends, or family to care for your baby.

It’s also okay to put your baby down in their crib while you take a break in another room. Once when my colicky firstborn was about 4 weeks old, his father had to travel for a long weekend. By the third night I was a frazzled, tearful mess. So I put him down in his bassinet and sat outside in the backyard for a break. After a few minutes, the fresh air helped center and calm me enough to head back in and soothe him again.

When to worry? If you’re concerned about your baby’s crying, or are have difficulty coping, please call your pediatrician’s office. Colicky babies are usually serene and happy most of the day – this is reassuring. However, vomiting, diarrhea, fever, or mucus in the stool are not part of colic or normal crying and need to be evaluated by a doctor.

Most importantly know the crying isn’t your fault. And most babies cry less after 4 months of age – so this phase will pass and your baby will be calmer soon.

Take unsolicited advice with a grain of salt

It might be your mother who says, “Give the baby some water!” or a stranger who comments about the way you’re dressing your baby out in the cold. Either way, you get to choose whether it’s worth considering or simply letting it go. If you want to research it further, you can always check out these credible

Find your people

This can be your family, your friends, or your neighbors. It’s wonderful to have a group that supports you, celebrates your wins, and walks with you through the challenges.

Trust your instincts

While I don’t wish this on anyone, the reality is that your baby will get sick. When it happens, trust your instinct. Don’t second-guess yourself and fear that you’ll be “that parent” seeking help for every little concern. We’re here as pediatricians to support you, and the happiest visits are the ones when we can reassure you that your baby is well!

You are good enough!

A common theme you may feel throughout your parenting journey is, “Am I doing it right?” or, “Do I have what it takes to be a good parent?” Let me remind you that you DO. There will always be someone you know who seems to have it all together, whose baby sleeps through the night at 3 months, or whose breast milk supply never runs dry. Don’t let comparison steal your joy. You are good enough.

A final word:

There will be stages that challenge you: the newborn period that leaves you perpetually exhausted, or the sleep regression that shows up just when you finally started to get at least 5 hours overnight.  I call these “seasons of parenthood.” And just like for every season, there is a beginning and an end. Those seemingly endless rough nights will eventually come to a close, and your baby won’t always be clinging to you for every want and need. There will be an end. And there will be a beginning to a new season of growing and learning with your child. So, circle back to Tip #2 Enjoy every moment: the good and the not-so-good!

‍

‍